Not what I had in mind…

… for my Easter Sunday.

Firstly, I want to wish everyone a belated-ish Happy Easter or other Spring Festival celebration. This post should have happened earlier, but Stuff got in the way. Mainly Red Stuff.

Some of you know I’ve been have a lot of nosebleeds. It was an excessive amount (18 since Christmas), and I got it treated recently, and for 17 days, all was well. I could stop obsessively carrying around face-cloths, or wearing dark clothes that wouldn’t show stains.

And then today it all went horribly wrong. Suddenly, as I was quietly preparing some lunch, it started pour again. After my nose had been bleeding hard for an hour, I got the Husband to drive me to the hospital, together with my large plastic container of evidence. It continued to pour as they got me set up and did observations. It poured into two ‘sick bags’. It got all over my hands and the black t-shirt I’d changed into once it had got all over my pretty pink and white Easter shirt. All in, it poured for 3+ hours.

So anyway, I then had a very, very unpleasant procedure to insert an inflatable compression dressing up my nose. It’s called, amusingly (not), a Rapid Rhino. Stop laughing. It’s not funny. Well, OK, it is a little bit funny, but only a bit.

The dressing is about the length and diameter of my little finger when deflated, and much thicker when inflated. They pre-soak it in saline, to make it slide in more easily, I suppose, but it also makes saline drip down your throat and face. It has to go all the way in (which feels like someone’s poking the back of your brain. Which hurts.) It feels… deeply unpleasant. Painful. Invasive. It stops you breathing properly. It also stops the endless bleeding, particularly once it’s (painfully, of course) inflated.

Not happy…

But best of all? You get to walk out of there with the tubing dangling out of your nose, for all the world to point at and laugh! No, you can’t cut that off. They need it to deflate the dratted thing when it’s time for it to come out.

That happens tomorrow lunchtime. If it doesn’t start bleeding again, hurrah!  I just have to wait for an emergency appointment with the ENT specialist who cauterised my nose last time. If it does… I get to do the whole thing over again.

I’m tired, slightly anaemic and sore. If at the beginning of today you’d offered me the option of a quiet day with carrot cake and chocolate vs lots of extra laundry, lots of inconvenient red stuff and having my nose packed with an inflatable tube, I’d have gone for the cake and chocolate.

But nobody asked me. Happy Easter, y’all.