Half full or half empty?

I feel so weird.

Screen Shot 2016-05-12 at 1.17.12 pmThey’ve done half the job. I’ve had the shot into my worst side, the right side of my spine. But they won’t, for financial, medical and practical reasons, do both sides at once. Financial, because they’ll only bulk bill one side at a time (for non-Aussies, bulk billing means I get it free, if I wanted both sides done at once it would cost me $600. Go figure). Medical, because they want to make sure I don’t have some monster reaction before they put the second load in. And practical, because I can’t bloody walk with both legs feeling like they’re made of rubber and both feet numb, which is what happens when the drugs are injected.

On one hand, my right side back pain… isn’t. Mostly, it’s good; the merocaine they put in with the steroid dexamethazone hasn’t worn off yet and won’t for another few hours. After that, it’s wait and see. The dexie takes several days to reach its full effect, so the pain will be back, but should decrease over 3-5 days. I should have my leg and toes back in good order shortly, though. On the other hand, the left side of my back is now shouting louder than ever. Half of me hurts, the other doesn’t, but is weirdly numb.

Oh, and don’t let anyone tell you that a local anaesthetic means it won’t hurt when they stick a dirty great needle into your spine only 1mm from a major nerve root. It hurts all the way from your back to your toes. But it doesn’t last long, just while they’re wiggling the bastard into position by degrees, checking each time on the CT screen. And then they press the plunger, and very quickly, everything goes away.

And guess what? I get to do it all again on the other side tomorrow afternoon. So, I’d say that glass is neither half full nor half empty.

What’s there is just in the wrong sized glass….

64 thoughts on “Half full or half empty?

  1. Magpie Sue says:

    Well, at least it’s half over! (They’d probably have to knock me out to get me in there a second time.)

    • katechiconi says:

      I feel the second visit is worth it so I can stop lurching around like Quasimodo. I keep feeling the urge to say “The bells, Esmeralda, the bells!”. Luckily the Husband is in bed, getting ready for night shift, so need not watch my antics!

  2. M. L. Kappa says:

    Poor you… Hang in there, hopefully once they’ve done the other side it will all sell the down. Hugs!

  3. Seriously? a blog post? ?? !!! you are one tough cookie.
    But it’s really good to hear all this from you. This would be the silver lining, I guess xxxxxxx

    • katechiconi says:

      It’s an easy way of letting everyone know, of making it just humorous enough to let everyone know I’m OK, but sorry, it’s not quite over yet…. No longer bricking it, but still not looking forward to the Needle Fandango tomorrow. Still, if it works, even for a bit, it’s a plus.

  4. Jenny says:

    I’m sorry you are going through the wars. I hope in a week or so, when this treatment is behind you, you feel much better. I know how pain is so debilitating.

    • katechiconi says:

      It sure is tiring, and I’m already looking forward to the stuff starting to work. The local anaesthetic has given me a taste of what that’s going to be like :-). I think my energy levels are going to rocket once I don’t hurt any more and I can sleep properly!

  5. Grannymar says:

    I lit my candle about 08:00 your time and left it flickering through my night. It will be ready for duty again tomorrow. I hope things settle down real soon. A good nights sleep makes all the difference.

    • katechiconi says:

      Are you sure you want to be lighting candles at 6.15am on Friday…? If you are, I’m very, very grateful, I’m sure it did some good 🙂

      • Grannymar says:

        I made a promise and will see it through. Hope it all goes well!
        I am regularly awake about 05:30

      • katechiconi says:

        I’ll remind St Gemma to keep a lookout for the little flame. Why it had to be Friday 13th I don’t know, but I’m not especially superstitious and “all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well”.

      • Grannymar says:

        Friday 13th never worried me, often very good things happened on 13th. I will be talking to St Gemma when I light the candle. Remember you are half way there… and lived to tell the story. Next round will only be an encore! Let “all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well” be your mantra for today!

      • katechiconi says:

        If all goes well, I’ll be out in the garden middle of next week, pruning, planting, weeding and shifting things. Heaven knows it needs it after a Wet of full-on neglect, at a time when you just have to stay on top of stuff growing at a mile a minute. And yes, I’ll start gently, and see how it goes. I may yet need a candle to St Dorothy, who looks after people who grow fruit trees!

      • Grannymar says:

        Gently please! One day at a time and stop half an hour before you feel you need to.

        PS: My candle(s) work with all of them!

      • katechiconi says:

        I know you’re right. I shall start nearest the door and work outwards…

      • Grannymar says:

        If you over do it at the start it will undo the work of yesterday When weeding in the garden bring an image of the needle in your head, that should help you to pause.

      • katechiconi says:

        Ghastly thought. I shall be as slow and thorough as the mills of God…

      • Grannymar says:

        And promise yourself a treat each time you finish! I’m off to clean windows… wanta swap?

      • katechiconi says:

        That’ll be right. No, no, I won’t deprive you of your cleaning… I’m off to bed shortly, hoping for a more comfortable night than the past few months 🙂

  6. knitnkwilt says:

    You are almost far enough ahead of my time that the second procedure may also be over–if not now, soon. My thoughts are with you.

  7. tialys says:

    I wasn’t sure what time your appointment was but, when I went to bed last night it would have been your morning so knew you were either on your way there or thinking about going. You may have already had the second one by now but, if not, you know what to expect this time – so at least the fear of the unknown is removed from the equation. Looking forward to the full glass for you. x

    • katechiconi says:

      Nope, number 2 is at 07.15 your time on, gasp! Friday the 13th! As you say, a lot of the fear has gone, I know it’s going to hurt and roughly how much, and that I’ll be lurching around for a bit afterwards. After that, it’s in the lap of the gods. How long it lasts and whether it fixes things enough to make surgery unnecessary… xxxxx

  8. norma says:

    Hope the other side goes well

  9. EllaDee says:

    You deserve a full glass… a full bottle… of wine 😊To recuperate, celebrate… All in good time, I know.

    • katechiconi says:

      Sadly, I appear to be completely depleted in the comforting treats department. I can’t think what I was about, letting the supplies run down like that. However, there IS home made chicken soup….

  10. That you can find humor in this is just further evidence of your invincible spirit. A glass half full has room for more!

    • katechiconi says:

      I’ve always felt that the half full/half empty issue implied dissatisfaction in some way: ‘only’ half full, or ‘just’ half empty. The glass is as large as it needs to be… My glass grows to fit the water life sends me 🙂

  11. Ouch and double ouch. Nearly there, so I’ll just keep on crossing everything and praying for a successful outcome for a bit longer. Big hugs and I wish I could be there to bring you cake-y treats.
    ViV xox

    • katechiconi says:

      Really, not that bad… Not great, but bearable and much better than some of the things I’ve had to endure in the past. Fear was the big thing, and that’s behind me now. I had a nice piece of GF toast and apricot jam, which seems to have satisfied the need for treats 🙂

  12. Love your humour Kate. You are almost there. Anything better than walking around ‘Quasimodo’ like!

  13. I’m glad to hear that improvement is on its way, and I’m hoping that in a few days you’ll feel much better. As to the gardening, you might consider setting a timer for short periods to start. Half hour working, hour break, and so on. Give yourself time to heal.

  14. Conor Bofin says:

    Thinking of you Kate.
    You put up with a lot and stay so positive. Glass always full to the brim.

    • katechiconi says:

      Exactly so. It’s a question of adjusting your glass to fit the good stuff on offer! Last beastliness tomorrow, and then I hope to keep improving. They say a month pain free minimum, some go several months, some a year, and for some it never comes back. No guesses what I’m holding out for…

  15. There is NO way I could handle what you are going through. But I understand when the pain gets so bad you just want them to cut off your head so you can no longer feel the pain. I’ve always thought that I’m delighted to have a glass to have half full or half empty. You are halfway to being pain free. Or at least reduced pain. As for Friday the 13th. It’s my favorite day. My daughter was born on Friday the 13th. The light of my life along with her older brother. We always watch for the magic that happens on those days. It’s always something good. You remind me of myself many years ago. I was a human doing not a human being. Sometimes the body will force us to sit and do nothing but appreciate life by incapacitating the body itself. It was quite a shock to my system to no longer be able to do all that I had done before. Like slamming into a brick wall. I still do a great deal for an infirmed old woman, but nothing like what I was doing 6 1/2 years ago. You may be missing the message here. I’ll keep good thoughts for you tomorrow, or is it today already? Giant squishy hugs.

    • katechiconi says:

      It’s still today, and the procedure is tomorrow, and I totally get what you’re saying! I’m not fussed about the day, really, I’m just so grateful it’s sooner rather than later, for an earlier end to the pain, hopefully. Lordy, the paperwork and disclaimers you have to read and sign, though… A couple more bad nights, till the steroids start working, and then, as they say down here, she’ll be right. Night night xx

  16. dayphoto says:

    Oh, gosh! This made me hurt just to read it! I so HOPE it all works out perfectly!


    • katechiconi says:

      So far, so good. The numb foot and rubber leg wore off by late evening, the treated side is sore again now that the merocaine has worn off, but is noticeably better than the untreated one already this morning. I have one calm, comfortable leg, and one aching, fizzing leg. The back will take a little while to relax all the tense muscles, but I have great hopes of being almost pain free in a week or so! The trick then will be to restrain myself from overdoing it 🙂

  17. lucyannluna says:

    Hang in there Kate, one down, one to go good luck tomorrow hope all goes well

    • katechiconi says:

      The first one showed me that my own fear was the worst part. Now I’m a lot less frightened, I’ll be more relaxed and just maybe, it’ll be less painful. But the pain is worth it. It’s already more comfortable on the treated side this morning, and in a week should be a whole heap better.

  18. Jule says:

    All available fingers in this household will be crossed again tomorrow (and some toes and paws too). ❤️ Friday 13th is overrated anyway. 🙂

    • katechiconi says:

      I agree. And as I’ve said to others, I am no longer afraid, just not looking forward to the pain. It’s totally doable, and with luck the payoff will be either the pain totally gone or greatly reduced, for however long. Even if it’s only the month they warned me it could be, that’s a whole month when I don’t hurt and can get things done. A gift.

  19. Thimberlina says:

    Good luck with the second one, sounds traumatic, hope it all works 😀

  20. Lynda says:

    Kate, I wrote on your previous post and now realize you may already be done! If so, I hope it all went well. It is interesting that you have trouble with wobbliness. That was not a symptom I had. Sending healing prayer your way. ❤ ❤ ❤

    • katechiconi says:

      All done. Now my left leg is rubbery and the left foot is numb. It’s the merocaine they put in with the dexamethazone, it lasts for hours to reduce the pain of the injection being so close to the nerve, but it does occasionally make your foot go to sleep! I am now ensconced on the sofa for the rest of the day with all vital supplies to hand, including chocolate… oh, and pain meds, in case.

  21. rutigt says:

    I hate needles and now you have to have another one……I´m glad it isn´t me and I hope the injection will help you ❤

    • katechiconi says:

      It’s all over, for the second time. It wasn’t fun, but it wasn’t as frightening as the first time. And now, with luck, it’ll be a good long time before I have to have it done again.

  22. kymlucas says:

    Oh, Kate, I’m thinking of you as you go through this crappy experience. Sending postive karma from the other side of the world.

    • katechiconi says:

      I have to say, it is deeply crappy, but I will rise above, or as above as my body deigns to permit me! I’m not grateful for the pain or long term damage or the prospect of more of both, but I am grateful to be alive and kicking (albeit gingerly)….

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